What if Stress Really Isn’t the Problem?
The Real Struggle Might Be the Way You Talk to Yourself
It’s your first week as a new leader.
You’ve barely slept. Your to-do list is muttering threats. Your inbox is a jungle of follow-ups, meetings, and “quick” requests. And just as you’re about to settle in for the day, that voice sneaks in:
“You’re not ready for this.”
Now, on paper, it’s stress. New role, new responsibilities, new visibility.
But if we look closer — it’s not the workload that’s breaking you.
It’s the way you’re interpreting it.
It’s not stress that burns leaders out. It’s the inner voice amplifying it.
Meet Your Inner Saboteur (Yes, You Have One)
If you’ve ever felt like an overachiever and a fraud, welcome to the club.
That voice? It’s not just nerves — it’s a pattern. One with names:
The Hyper-Achiever: “If you’re not perfect, you’ll fail.”
The Pleaser: “You have to keep everyone happy.”
The Judge: “You’re not cut out for this. You should’ve figured it out by now.”
These are Saboteurs — the inner critics that hijack your stress response.
They make challenge feel like threat. Pressure feel like proof. Mistakes feel like identity.
And here’s the kicker: 87% of first-time managers feel underprepared (Grovo, 2017).
But most aren’t lacking capability — they’re just battling a voice no one trained them to notice.
A Different Voice: Your Sage
Now imagine a different voice. One that doesn’t panic when stress hits, but pauses.
That doesn’t whisper “you’re failing” but asks “what’s the opportunity here?”
This is your Sage — the calm, curious, creative part of your brain that sees clearly under pressure.
Here’s what the Sage sounds like:
Stress about visibility? → “This is a chance to grow your influence.”
Stress about mistakes? → “This is learning data, not evidence you’re unfit.”
Stress about expectations? → “This isn’t a test — it’s a transition.”
The Sage reframes stress from sentence to signal.
From “this proves I’m not ready” to “this is part of how I get ready.”
Tools to Shift From Saboteur to Sage
You don’t need to eliminate stress — just lead yourself through it differently.
Here are three simple ways:
1. Name It to Tame It
The moment you hear that inner critic, name it.
“Oh, there’s the Hyper-Achiever again.”
Label it and you create space. You’re not in the storm — you’re observing it.
2. PQ Reps (Positive Intelligence)
Mini mental workouts that calm the brain in seconds:
Rub your thumb and forefinger together — slowly, noticing the ridges.
Take one full, focused breath.
Look at a nearby object and really see it — colour, texture, light.
These aren’t gimmicks. They shift you from survival mode back to clarity.
3. The Sage Question
When stress rises, ask:
“What’s the gift or opportunity here?”
The brain will try to answer. And in the space that opens up, leadership returns.
Why It Matters (More Than You Think)
Unmanaged stress leads to:
Reaction over reflection
Micromanagement over empowerment
Burnout over clarity
Reframed stress leads to:
Calm under fire
Strategic decision-making
Presence your team can trust
Because your team? They mirror you.
How you respond to stress teaches them how to respond to theirs.
A Small Practice to Try This Week
When you feel stress rising, pause and ask:
👉 “What’s the saboteur voice I’m hearing right now?”
👉 “And what would my Sage say instead?”
Even if you don’t feel like a confident leader yet — that doesn’t mean you’re not becoming one.
This is the work. Not ignoring the voice, but choosing which one to listen to.
You’re not broken. You’re just early in the journey. And you’re further along than you think.
Ready to Lead with More Calm and Clarity?
This is the kind of mindset shift we work on every day inside Lead in 30 and Braver in 30 — two spaces designed to help rising leaders build confidence, resilience, and a leadership presence rooted in trust.
👉 If this resonated with you, let’s go deeper together.
📩 Join the 30-Day Leadership Accelerator →
🟦 Lead Bravely. Rise Quickly.
