What I learned when I stopped pretending to be a confident leader

Why credibility matters more than confidence

braver lion logo and caption what i learned when i stopped pretending to be a confident leader

The shift from performance to presence — and why credibility matters more than confidence.

When I stepped into my first leadership role, I believed confidence was the key to success.

The application process was tough — several interviews, a walk-around with the real boss, that quiet but unmistakable moment where they asked themselves, “Will he fit in?”

So when I got the job, I arrived with the weight of expectations on my shoulders.

And no real idea how to lead.

I thought confidence would carry me. Bold voice. All-knowing presence. What the management books said — and if LinkedIn had existed then, I’d have followed those too.

It took me far too long to realise:

My team didn’t care how confident I looked.
They cared about how I showed up.

If you're here, maybe you’re:

• A first-time manager still finding your feet

• A rising leader wondering when confidence will finally kick in

• Or someone supporting someone new in leadership

Let me give you the lessons I wish I’d known. They’re not from theory. They’re from experience — the kind that stings a little.

They’re also shaped by what I now teach through the BRAVER™ framework and Positive Intelligence — practical tools for building self-trust, quieting the inner critic, and showing up with clarity even when you're unsure.

Confidence Isn’t the Goal but credibility is

Faking confidence is exhausting. And most people can spot it a mile off.

What your team actually needs isn’t a perfectly polished version of you.
They need someone consistent. Grounded. Human.

Someone told me once:
Every move you make, every breath you take — they’re watching.
Bit dramatic. But it’s true.

Teams don’t follow charisma.
They follow behaviour.

1. Say the Hard Thing even when your voice shakes

Like many new managers, I delayed difficult conversations. I hoped things would smooth over. I tiptoed around performance issues, waited for the bigger boss to step in, or let flawed systems deliver the bad news.

That avoidance cost me trust.

What changed?

• Clarity is kindness. Direct, respectful feedback built trust.

• Avoidance sends a signal. What you don’t address, you’re seen to accept.

• Bravery comes before confidence. The act of doing builds the feeling.

In the BRAVER™ framework, B is for Boldness — the willingness to say what needs to be said, especially when it feels uncomfortable. Boldness isn't about being loud. It’s about being clear, direct, and in service of the team’s clarity.

2. Be Consistent

Even when you're unsure.

I thought I had to know everything before I could lead well.

Turns out, no one expects perfection. But they do expect consistency.

Here’s what helped:

• Regular 1:1s — even if there was “nothing new”

• Doing what I said I would (and owning it when I didn’t)

• Showing up with steady energy — not erratic highs and disappearances

In a time when trust is fragile, reliability builds respect.
Your team watches what you do far more than what you say.

This is Resilience in action — the R in BRAVER. Not big, heroic moments, but steady, repeated behaviours that say “you can count on me.”

And in PQ terms, you're training your Sage brain: calm, grounded, and consistent — even when things feel uncertain.

3. Own Your Gaps

Without apologising for being new.

You don’t have to pretend you know everything. You just have to be open to learning.

Some of the most trust-building things I ever said:

• “This is new for me — I’ll be asking for your feedback as we go.”

• “I’m still learning this system — if you spot a better way, bring it to me.”

You don’t lose credibility by being honest. You gain it by being real.

That’s Vulnerability — and also Authenticity, two more pillars of BRAVER.

Teams connect more easily to leaders who say, “I’m still learning,” than those who pretend they’ve got it all covered.

It activates trust, not doubt.

The Real Shift: It’s Not About You

Leadership isn’t a spotlight.
It’s a mirror.

When you’re obsessed with how you come across, you second-guess everything.
But when you focus on what your team needs to succeed — you lead from a steadier place.

You become the kind of leader who:

• Speaks up when it matters

• Shows vulnerability without spiralling

• Keeps promises, even when it’s inconvenient

These aren’t confidence tricks. They’re credibility moves.

What to Practise This Week

Don’t wait to feel ready. Choose one thing and act on it:

• Have the conversation you’ve been avoiding

• Start a small weekly rhythm — like a Monday email or 1:1 check-ins

• Share something you’re learning, and invite your team’s take

These aren’t just tasks. They’re how you shift out of self-doubt and into your Sage self — the calm, curious part of you that leads from presence, not pressure.

Even if your hands are shaking.
Even if you doubt yourself a little.

These actions work. Because they’re about who you’re becoming.

You don’t need to fake confidence to be respected.

You need to:

• Communicate clearly

• Show up reliably

• Own your learning process

That’s the kind of leader people remember.
That’s the kind of leader people want to follow.

And that’s the kind of leader worth becoming.

What Helped You Most?

This is the kind of leadership honesty I wish I’d had when I started.

If you’ve been here too:

• What helped you build respect early on?

• What was harder than you expected about leadership?

Leave a comment. Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to hear today.

And if this helped — share it with someone who’s navigating their first leadership step.

None of us start fully confident.
But we can all start a little braver.