Perfectly imperfect

Does everything have to be perfect?

I guess you’re going to say no.  And yet for most of us what we think and how we behave are quite different.

Imposter Syndrome is a complex thing built on self-worth, self-esteem, inferiority, fear of failure and perfectionism.   And that quest for perfectionism, when nothing else will do, blocks people from bringing great things and their whole selves to the world.  That feels worth fighting back against.

The heavy burden of perfectionism

Last year I did some specific work with people who had a fear of failure.  Ironically they had volunteered to lead a brave and adventurous programme of innovation and change.

Intuitively I had expected within their training that any programme of innovation and change would have necessitated “the talk”.   Not that talk.  But a good talk about creativity & imagination.  The interative process of improvement.   The need to reframe thoughts of “not quite perfect” into “not quite perfect YET”.

Instead, they felt the weight and responsibility of expectation.  And now with added limelight.

And common Imposter Syndrome baggage:

·        That fear of looking over their shoulder at what everyone else was doing

·        That punched in the stomach feeling when another person declared their latest success

·        That paralysing feeling of is it worth starting if I can’t be sure it’ll be successful

·        That gnawing sense of not being cut out for this role

Having a title and a pedestal to sit on possibly didn’t help.   It accentuated their status as the demi-gods of change when most felt like quite ordinary people.  They’d been promoted, minus pay, status or outward reward, into being representatives of their tribe with the midas touch of making things that historically seemed impossible, now possible.

Hardly surprising for some the safest way to not get anything wrong appeared to be - not start at all.

You can’t look ahead and over your shoulder at the same time

Imposter Syndrome is a mismatch between our views of expectation and reality.

Both of these can and often are flawed.  It often shows up as that deep sense of inadequacy, we’re not good enough for this responsibility we have or are being offered.

It often drives us to look over our shoulder to see who is running alongside us, ready to overtake.  It can often dissuade us from even starting the race unless a win is assured.

Any athlete knows, you can’t win by looking over your shoulder.

And you can’t look ahead and backwards at the same time.

And yet our Imposter Syndrome can demand perfection.  Nothing short of perfect matters.

It’s a big and often unnecessary hurdle to jump.

Learning from mistakes is an ancient art

Once upon a time you were an expert at learning from mistakes.   In fact, you failed every day, often several times a day.  And you loved it and likely the people around you love you for trying.

Almost all of us when we tried to take our first steps, didn’t get there immediately.   We rocked a bit, we grabbed on to something, we leaned on a wall.  Sometimes that wasn’t stable.  We fell over, a lot.   Even when falling we rehearsed balance.   We were encouraged and praised for our efforts and continued perseverance.

No-one cared or scolded you for falling over.   Everyone understood it’s part of the process.

And that it’s better to be on the learning journey than out of fear stay anchored to the ground.

We perfect learning through doing in our earliest years

The other day, our Alexa device came up with an image of my son riding his first bike unaided.  I remember the day.  We picked a great spot.  All grass, no fences, a slight incline and just a few puzzled sheep in the distance.

We took the tiny bike to the top of the incline.  I wanted to hold on to protect him from falling but gravity and furious peddling meant he was faster than I could hold on.   Another life step mastered – riding a bike.

Getting off the bike was another story.   But that thrill of speed plus encouraging positive words from parents pulling off an Oscar winning performance of hiding their anxiety was worth is to hear “Dad, again!”.  It’s what you want to hear.

Learning by doing, where mis-steps are part of the process.

And then we’re taught there is a right way and a wrong way

Around the age of six we spend increasing amounts of time at school.  We learn that value is placed on acquiring and repeating the knowledge held by others, often scrutinised through exams where there is a marking script and “one right answer”.

When there is one right answer, the risk of failure escalates.  Safety becomes important.  How many of us were told “there’s a lot riding on you getting these grades”.

This changes the way we learn.  It becomes important to remember facts.  It’s an environment that doesn’t welcome exploring through doing.   Or tolerates getting it wrong as part of the process.

When we shift into adulthood, we can be more discerning

When we shift into adulthood many of us have forgotten about standing up and walking or how we learned to ride a bike.  Our habits are formed through structured learning.

We leave school having learned to ask “what do you want”, “what’s the expectation”, “what’s the right answer”.  We meet employers who can partially answer these questions but often are looking for you the next hire to bring answers to questions they’ve not even considered yet.

There are moments in adulthood where knowing the “right way” to do things remains important.

If you’re in control of a car, knowing how to behave on the roads isn’t a space for experimentation.   If you’re a nurse, doctor, architect, electrician, there are certain things that aren’t up for debate without risking safety.

But humankind can never move forwards without us blending both learning styles together.  We have a failed experiment in stickiness of glue to thank when we reach out for those post-it notes – and countless other failures upon which people improved ideas, built upon them, sparked entirely new inventions.

Every one of which involved the risk of failure or eventually being replaced by something new.  We have countless scientists and medical professionals for innovations in medicine based not on the pursuit of the perfect, but on achieving the next step on the curve of improvement.

If perfection had been the goal for vaccines, maybe we’d still be waiting for them.

If we’re only ruled by our fear of failure, if we crave only the safety of knowing then it can feel like the safest place is to not start at all.  To stay where we are, in the known world.  Except the world is constantly changing.   Standing still may seem like the safest place but it’s an illusion.  At some point the world will move on without you.

Imposter Syndrome is a lie

And here’s where your Imposter Syndrome tells lies to you.

It’s calling for nothing less of you than perfect.   It’s telling you that errors cannot be tolerated.   It is telling you that shame and guilt is what spurs you on to do better, to make things right.

It tells you the safest place is to stand still.  That if you can’t do it perfectly then maybe it’s better not to start at all.

These are all lies of Imposter Syndrome that keep us locked in place out of fear until, without us even noticing, the opportunity for our greatness has passed us by.

Take action

Think of a change that’s ahead of you for 2024.

Think of what great looks like on achieving that change.   Imagine in your mind how long that will take to achieve.

Now halve the time you’ve allowed and rethink how far you can get.

Tune in to hear the voice of Imposter Syndrome.  What challenges are you hearing about this less than perfect solution?

Answer back?  Who really cares?   Who really cares, except me?

What new opportunities might emerge if you were willing to trade on perfection?

Eradicate your Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome affects our resilience, relationships, performance, work-life balance, leadership skills.  It robs us of the joy we deserve to feel.  It stops us reaching our potential.

I help people to beat Imposter Syndrome and move onwards with their careers without having to pretend to be someone they’re not.

You can learn more about how here https://www.ianbrowne.com/better

Or find some free time to chat about how we beat your Imposter Syndrome https://oncehub.com/ianbrowne